Pet Peeves

Go on. Ask me how I really feel. I fucking dare you...Not feeling so hot tonight. So here is the list I can make public. The other is under the strictest of lock and key. Sorry ladies, no can show you that one.


Here goes:

1. Being Tickled

2. Speed bumps

3. Roaches-spanning all space and time except the Wally movie.

3. When things stare at me while I eat.

4. Anger. Mine and anyone else's.

5. Birthday cards that have nothing written in them except the person's signature and the note that came printed on the card.

6. Coffee. Yes, it has done me wrong in the past 24 hours.

7. Smoking. Especially outside the gym. Come on people.

8. Being called a fat stupid whore (as a joke...(???)), having people laugh every time this person says it then being asked if I talk about it to my psychiatrist. Maybe next time is the time I walk out of their house. They know how to contact me if they have an apology. This will never happen.

I thought about renaming this blog post "Not-unhappy" which is the name of the photo. Just keep in mind that no matter what a person looks like on the outside, it doesn't mean they haven't had just as hard of a day as you've had. Be nice people! Be the person that makes others feel better, not worse.

A series of unfortunate...jokes

One day God spoke to Adam and Eve
He told them that he had a gift for each of them, but that they had to decide who got what

"The first gift is the gift of being able to pee while standing up"
Being excited about getting gifts, without hesitation, Adam exclaims "Pee standing up! That would be awesome! I'll take that one."

God says "Okay Adam- peeing while standing up, it's yours. Eve, you get the other...multiple orgasms"




Joke #2.

A hot blond walks into a casino and straight over to the craps table. A couple of dealers are standing around the table. The blond is eager to play. "I'm feelin' lucky tonight but I feel even more lucky when I'm completely nude...do you mind?" The dealers shake their heads in amazement. She strips down, shakes the dice... "Come on! Mama needs a new set of clothes" and rolls the dice. "I won I won!" she exclaims, jumping up and down excitedly.

The woman takes her chips, gathers her clothes and runs out of the casino.

One dealer looks at the other and asks " What did she roll?"
"I don't know, I thought you were watching."...

Moral of the story: Not all blonds are dumb, but all men are men.


Joke #3.

A blond and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane.
They start gambling-a friendly betting game.

"Okay, so if you can't answer one of my questions, you have to give me $5. If I can't answer one of yours, I give you $50," says the lawyer. "What is the distance from the Earth to the nearest star?"

Without saying a word, the blonde forks over the $5.
"What walks up a hill in the morning on two legs, but walks down the hill in the evening on four?" asks the blonde.

"Okay, you got me." He hands her the $50. She puts it away in her purse...
There is a brief silence...
"Okay, but what was the answer to your riddle?" asks the lawyer.

Without saying a word, the blonde forks over another $5.

Love list #2.

Again, the rules as stated where I found them: Do not link the list to specific people, etc. You must think by first loving yourself...


1. I love the type of focus that makes everything seem so far away
2. I love the shoes sitting by the window ready to go to the garden
3. I love crying when it has nothing to do with my female cycle
4. I love discovering new insights into my own body
5. I love planning, then un-planning, then re-planning my day and having no one notice one bit
6. I love opening myself up to the possibility of pure emotion and then being able to explain it-the taste of it
7. I love passion in most forms
8. I love going into something with a plan and then being able to 180 it within moments
9. I love that it could be a year from the last time I hear a song and I can still sing the lyrics by feeling out the beat
10. I love that all I have to do is think about the feelings I was having at that particular moment that I parked my car in order to remember where I parked it...

Passionate Hate vs. Uncompromising Love

Fills my eyes and I almost forget the other exists
Nothing but that moment on my tongue
That feeling- deep, eternal
My heart beats as if paving its way out

Hate: Looking for a way to escape Love: Looking for a way to bronze the ephemeral

Makes my body feel very real
Makes my mind stop functioning correctly
Eat nothing
Feel everything
Stomach full of Hate: daggers Love: butterflies

I want to say "Choose me"
I want to say "Never again"
I need to say "Fine"
I need to feel fine first

A great friend told me that she just wanted to feel...this. Whatever this was, whether it was love or lust or hatred or fear or anger, hurt, Joy, Godliness. For that moment, letting her truth guide her. For that moment, making her own decision that maybe by feeling it she could understand it.

As if not trusted to make the decision, neither are permitted
By one comes anger and rage and disappointment and hurt
by the other comes embarrassment and fear and misunderstanding

Neither do I win.

22.

22. Cooks
23. Loves Scrapple, chocolate covered salt water taffy, and a laundry list of other confections.
24. Is "left handed"
25. Has a famous recipe for chili (Texas, not green :) )
26. Used to ride a bike to work every day
27. Likes fishing
28. Has 2 cats
29. Is a great photog
30. Is a brilliant writer