My first day of school

Memories...I don't remember my first day of school. But last night was my first day.....back...in school. It's been over two years now that I earned my degree from UNM. Now it's back to CNM to actually make something of myself :). So if you read my first blog, you'll see that I've set up quite a schedule for myself. Yesterday started at 5:20am like I planned and most of it went exactly, if not better than I had expected. However, somehow I managed to forget one small, tiny, eensy-weensy thing.......food. From lunch yesterday (Saturday's left over pizza from the company luncheon) to dinner (a bag of cashews and raisins) to this morning (swimming and theoretical pilates) without food...well, my class was canceled this morning so I went to Winnings for a 3 seed breakfast bagel sandwich, but not every morning will be so laid back. And now after a little shopping the company freezer looks like my freezer with enough breakfast and lunch for six days. Just as the bottom of my desk looks like a shoe closet...because it is. I was in so much pain last night from lugging my backpack from work to school...there just isn't enough room in my little backpack for everything. On another note, school was fabulous. I've done my homework already (due Sep. 10th), and already read half the required reading, and I like Kreb's Cycle. Still nervous but off to a good start getting there early, sitting in front, turning off my cell phone, taking notes because I mean it, and getting to know the professor. Ontop of that, yesterday was my second day of training for the 10k. We cut about 2 min. off my previous time-it's amazing what we can do with a little external motivation. Speaking of...Angela and I had a good time working our butts off with a little casual training at the gym late last night and some calming swim time this morning before "class." I like to get there early to impress the teacher, not get there instead of the teacher. Lame. So all in all I'm doing well. And even if I weren't, I probably wouldn't let you know. I want this so badly that I'm willing to sacrifice myself to it fully, to sculpt myself out of this hunk of marble. Such potential. :)

Oh yeah, the Triathlon

So, I will get pictures up soon. My favorite is the one of me smiling while putting on my wetsuit. Yeah, that's cause it was almost on. Believe me, I'll never do it again. People have been asking me for about a month (and still today) when my triathlon is going to happen. Starting today, I told them it was last weekend. Their next question is "oh, how did it go?" What an odd question standing on this end of it. I hear it, I know it sounds like a legitimate question to them...but somehow I haven't been able to come up with a response that I like. I have come to peace with saying "It was awesome, very fun, great course, beautiful weather." But I'm screaming from deep inside, it's like asking me what the Tao is. Lao Tzu took eighty some chapters to begin to touch upon it. Anyone who has done a triathlon will know what I mean...it's nothing like anything else I've ever done. I can hardly explain it to myself. The only real indication that I'm not lying that it was "awesome, fun, etc. etc." is that I'm doing it again. And as much as possible from now until forever. One of the best parts was watching the 80 and older racers spring up to the front to receive their prizes. And in opposition to the last blog...triathlons, among other certain people/things, are the beginnings of my true happiness. I got a text from Angela, one of two others I trained for this with, a few days after the race saying "I feel lost without training." I had been feeling the exact same way...that's when I knew for sure. Hell yeah!

Okay, I lied...

So, a few days, maybe a week ago, there was a Myspace survey. It asked some stupid question to which my answer was something to the affect of "I've never hated anything more before or after those two years." So, I must have lied...I hate hate hate. This. I can't say what this is, so this blog is going to have to be like a Maynard song, in which the meanings will seem angry, bitter, painful and obvious, yet you still have no idea what I'm talking about.

I was thinking today that if anyone asked me why I looked so damn happy or how my day was going...that I would skip away from them giggling and singing "tra la la la la, oh how fun it is, oh how happy I am." I know that it seems trite...but I feel like I shouldn't be asking the world for anything, I should pay more attention to something besides my own skin...but I've got this scab, you see...and it's eating me from the inside out. I'm a little worried about it.

Though I am working as fast as I can to absorb, stay focused, consume ideas, and make something I think will be special, fun, fantastic, and really make me happy; I'm still worried that this will consume me...kill my spirit, take my soul to places I don't want it to see, and kill my dreams.

Oh, God make me bigger so that I may not be consumed so quickly. Make me who I am supposed to be so that I may be happy instead of pursuing infinatly. I want to give all that I recieve away that I may be whole. What little I have is yours, so that I may have it all. I'm fighting a battle with the greatest monster of all. 110% of everything I am made of, I will devote to making my skin wonderful to live in. 110% of every atom of my being from birth to now, I will suck dry for inspiration to keep moving forward, finish first, not just average, not just above average, but first. On my own merit. I want that future. Not this.

Nature Fight!

Okay, this has got to be one of the funniest things I've ever said out loud in my life. Go ahead, say it. No, not like that...more like. it's a........nNNNaature FIGHT! I found this while looking up pictures of Amy Winehouse and her husband. Are Amy and the new hubby in some sort of Nature Fight? Or is the government just trying to confuse us??? Yeah, I think that's it. Thomas, this one's for you buddy!

Does any of this have to make sense?

So, this is my first blog thing. Lot's to say, but no real idea as to exactly how to start. I know, let me give you a taste of my schedule for this upcoming semester lasting from August 27th through December 8th. This will give you some idea of exactly who I am...I guess I'll have to explain the "why is she so crazy?" part later.

ASSUMED ABSOLUTES:)

Monday: Wake up 530am. 530-630 Run 6 miles, 7-8am Bike to work, Work 8-4pm, bike to CNM, Foundations of Exercise Science 530-950pm., arrive at Angela's house 10pm. UNM gym open until 1145pm.

Tuesday: Swimming @ 7am - UNM pool, bike to CNM, Pilates/yoga class 830-950am, bike to work, work 11-6pm. Somehow get home, study/climbing night.

Wednsday: Wake up 530am. 530-630 Run 6 miles, 7-8 Bike to work, Work 8-4pm, bike to CNM, Business of Personal Training 530-950pm, arrive at Angela's house 10pm. UNM gym open until 1145pm.

Thursday: 7am swimming again - UNM pool, bike to CNM, Pilates/yoga 830-950am, bike to work, work 11-6pm. Somehow get home, study my ass off.

Friday: Bike to work, Work 9-5pm. Study my ass off again.

Saturday: Bike to CNM, 8-1220pm Kinesiology, 1-close - open to work at SACG

Sunday: Open to work at SACG

Conditional dates: Hanging out with family/Chris, study, sleep, 1 mile swim, ~26 mile bike ride: weekend hours that I don't work. Every four weeks, from 1215-130pm - meet with therapist.

Workouts & races planned: Going strong for the Elephant Man Olympic distance triathlon @ Elephant Butte Lake on Sep. 30th. Like I said, the UNM gym is open for bike trainer/weight training until 1145pm. And a lot of water.

I think that the most telling part is that not only do I have this schedule hanging in my office, I've got a "Master Copy" with a nightly list everything that needs to be in my backpack for the next day(s). Oh yeah, cheer me on guys. I'm gonna need it :).