As I walked from my car up University on my way to teach, my two Walmart purses became designer Dolci & Gabbana's.
My $7 Payless sunglasses started sliding down my nose, cheap screws loosening, and I thought to myself "My Gucci sunglasses would never do this..."
I kept on walking, head held high. I'd just put on my makeup in my car after working out at the gym for an hour. Some paparazzi caught me off guard as I exited the gym that morning, flash bulbs going off in my face...I can just see the headline now "Stars without makeup," "Celebs go all-natural," "Gym tips from Kristol Mariza"...Just a stage name.
Evian in my hand (they won't let me drink anything else), I tried not to make eye contact with anyone. The man who walks by yells "Kristol! Since when did water become a status symbol! Are you too good for tap water? Answer me!" He's right. This happens daily, but when I went Costco brand the Tabloids did a front page of me, again, without makeup, in a 'What were they thinking!?' article, making a big deal about how shabby and 'down in the dirty hippy masses' I was. Used it to make sweeping character judgments on me...needless to say, my publicist shit a brick and got me on the phone immediately.
My bodyguards shooed the crass old foggie away and I'm left alone. So many people around. So lonely. Just me and my tiny poodle.
One time she bit a paparazzo in the ass as he was trying to get a crotch shot to say I was a slut. I laughed my ass off...and then he sued me. It was a fairly small settlement. Money for emotional damage and the bite marks on his ass...
As I enter the building, my bodyguards fade away...my designer purses are the same drab bags and my earrings turn back into Cubic Z's. My sunglasses fall right off my nose and I fumble into my classroom.
All smiles. Here, I'm just plane old Kristen. Here is where I really shine.
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