A far cry

Fire me?

I couldn't tell her.
She kept asking and I couldn't give her an answer.
She would have had to fire me right then and there if I had.
I couldn't tell her. I need the job.

I need it because of health insurance
I need it to pay my bills
I need it because it has flexible hours
I need it because I can't afford not to
I need it because this time I want to be mature...

I'm in trouble.
I'm in big trouble.
I am in serious trouble.

I can't tell her that every day I wake up sick to my stomach at the thought of going.
I can't tell her that I hate it more than I've ever hated before.
I can't tell her that I'm sick of them and their ethics.
I can't tell her that what they did to me was wrong. It's over.
I can't tell her that I've been looking for better since I've been here.
I can't tell her that all I want to do is find some way out.

I can't. There is no way out. I need it.
I'm in so much trouble.

I must find a way to make the feelings go away. I must find a circular motivation that keeps me alive at this place I feel souless for.

Please help me.