You Remember Last Semester...?

Right? Well then brace yourself. In two weeks, beginning January 14th, my next sememster starts, and with it comes the new stressers. I'm just looking fondly over my seemingly impossible schedule and came to the same conclusion I did when I started the program. I don't know where it went, but I had a tiny slip of paper at my desk on which was written: "Don't fall behind on anything, or you'll fall behind on everything." Thus, work as hard as you can to get the results you want. I'm half way there. Here is my tenative schedule for next semester. Keep this in mind when you call me...for anything:

Manic Monday: 530am Running, Bike in to work by 8am and leave on my bike (my beautiful, wonderful, amazingly awesome bike :)) at 430pm, at CNM for Nutrition from 530-950pm. Stay at Angela's humble abode.

Tenacious Tuesday: Rise and shine 6am to be in the pool by 630am. Weight training for women from 930-1050am and then another beautiful bike ride to work by 1130 spending 4.5 hours at work only to bike back to school by 530 for Group Leadership (which will thankfully end in 1.5 months). Back at Angela's.

Waggish Wednesday: Up and Adam to run at 530am. To work by bike from 8-430, bike to school from 530-950 for Working with Special Populations. Angela loves me, I just know it.

Theatrical Thursday: Swim time at 630, Weight Training from 930-1050, biking North to work for 6.5 hours from 1130-6pm. Finally reunite with my long lost boyfriend for some climbing, anything, just as long as I get to see him.

Friggin Friday: It's taken 25 min. just to write this week out. To work from 7-530 for a total of 10 hours today and hopefully a weekly total of 38 hours just barely eeked out.

Satirical Saturday: We're not done. Back to CNM from 8-1220 for Fitness Assessment. Work at Stone Age until they fire me for falling asleep under the heat lamp at the front counter. Saturday snuggling...gotta save up.

Strung out Sunday: We're counting our eggs before they hatch on this one. I am expecting a call from the JCC any day now. Wish me luck on landing an externship and getting the honor to work there 7 hours per week. They are in fact open on Sundays.

Chris says we can make it through this. And we can. Since I don't believe in hoping, only working/doing, I'll be reading all of my text books before classes even begin. You think I'm kidding. And to all of those who knew about my other blog of class notes...I'll be keeping that up too. If anyone would like to join me in my running, swimming, tea drinking, or would like to peel me off of the ceiling once a week to meditate, please please please respond, call me, anything. I'll need the help...one more time.

The lady of spring

Peaceful Spring by Philip Matthews

If you have ever wondered what is going through my mind at any moment, seeing the world flicker by in my eyes, watching my emotions flash through my face and fly like pizzas around the room...

This photo captures where my mind wants to be. At peace. It is the pinicle of the culmination of everything I think. Think of my thoughts as lights. As my brain adds more and more light, it gets whiter and whiter. The goal is to have so many lights as to not be able to see any one of them as an individual light but to experience them as peace.

Whether it be at a beach, or in a field, or in the snow, the lady is my mind on a clear day. When all the lights add up to white.

Hope and Faith

I read a nifty little thing about the difference between hope and faith. It simply read "Hope is desperation, faith is relaxation." I concur.

Unexpected gifts

This is the time of year to see family, to celebrate the birth of an important historic and cultural figure, and to suprise friends and family with momentos of affection. Some people go overboard with presents, some people forget, some people know just what to get their loved ones, and some people need a lot of help. This year has been different for me. My presents have always been thoughtful, but this year I feel particularly good about the presents I have picked out. However, there is something else different about the gift giving this year...The sheer kindness of others; their thoughtfulness has touched me deeply. It seems as though there is an underlying feeling of how much we appreciate each other, which seems deeper and richer than years before. Does this happen as people get older? Or is it something I've changed in the way I view the people around me? Is my love growing with my growing sense of the world?

Sometimes the gift is from someone you didn't expect. This morning one of the salesmen that I haven't been speaking to gave me a gigantic triple chocolate bar from Spain. It made me sad that I didn't deserve it, but I thanked him from the bottom of my heart.

Sometimes the gift isn't for you at all. Cynthia, the receptionist, donated a sheep in my name through Heifer International to a family in a different country. I've wanted to do something nice for people in need but have been so engaged in my own life that I haven't yet. This just makes me feel good about existing.

Sometimes it is a gift to someone else, from someone else. I got Estee some plants for our office. Chris is funny. Sees a romance novel and buys it for her as his gift. Best present ever. She was like, "I love these, I used to read them all the time and this looks like a good one, but, why did he think of this?" I asked him by text and he replies, "It goes so well with the plants." Lol.

Sometimes it was the thought that counts. I took Cass and Terra out to get gifts for their loved ones. The first place we went was the place their father had explicitly asked them not to go because that was what they were going to get for me. I bought heated pillows for their mom, their aunt, and some for us. He was a good salesman. When asked by their father what the heck? they replied "what were we supposed to do, tell her she couldn't buy them?" he said "YES." I told him that they had actually encouraged me to buy them and had fought over the colors. Ah well. I'm enjoying my presents :).

Some are creative and unique. Noone can do it like the Canadians, ay? Melanie actually got Chris and I what we asked for. I asked for a mounty and Chris asked for a polar bear, and while they are inanimate fuzzy little mini versions, they don't take nearly as much food and space. Thanks for the beaver mounty and Chris takes every chance he gets to play with his reversable beaver bear. Nice.

Sometimes it isn't a material gift at all. Spending time with the girls has been a real treat. Shopping with them, while frustrating with the crowds, was really fun. I got to take them out, just the girls, for the first time. I have really appreciated my time not only with them (it feels few and far between) but also with Chris. I could be anywhere, at work, hanging out with friends, wanting to be at home with him instead. And my family, as much as it frustrates me that I don't get to be an adult with them, I appreciate that they want me close. They need me and I need them. I don't like being so far away from my brother and it gets harder with each passing year.

Some of them are little bundles of joy. Granted and rightly, none of them are mine, but God bless all the little ones born this year. So many of our friends have been blessed this year and I've been really excited for all of them. They are all really beautiful babies.

This year feels different to me. It certainly has to do with finally having Chris this year, and wrapping gifts with Cassia, and texting with Terra, finding my place in my family, and doing alright financially, but there is an overall theme this time. Growing up. I'm in the midst of making myself. More responsiblility, more stress, more love, more understanding, more becoming, more ability, more autonomy, more words that need to be said, more things expected from me, more I want to take on, more looking forward to a new year and a new beginning, more friends, more life. What more could I ask for?

In the mind of the squirrel... in the eye of the wrath

http://www.friendsoffoamy.com/index.php?id=148

Quality ranting from a fellow squirrel. I agree.

So, if I could wish whatever I wanted...I'd probably go on a trip...but the second thing would be making smokers breath their fiery death away from me so that I can breath normal air. I don't even care if they choose to kill themselves...well, some people...but do it away from me and then stay away from me for the rest of the Godamn day. You smell awful. And it brings back bad memories of being proposed to with an ash ring. This next rant says it all.

http://www.friendsoffoamy.com/index.php?id=353

In other squirrel-fish thought provoking thoughts:

Today someone asked me if my email was spelled with a "kay like cat or kay like kathy?" Say that one out loud.

All Christmas shopping and much of my wrapping is over. Yippee!!! What next? It was fun with the girls. And we don't have the girls. And my mom is acting like a 5 year old. Why can't I have peace in my life?

My client who I spent hours on the phone with and promised to buy two cars will no longer return my phone calls.

If you fry tortillas and sprinkle cinnamon sugar on top...it tastes like heaven clouds.

Thank you Chris for saving me from biking in this morning. Although it would have made up for all the heaven clouds I ate today...

I wonder why I hate cold so much yet so love winter sports.

I want my ornaments. Christmas doesn't feel the same without them.

The receptionist did something extremely nice for us all this year. She donated a sheep in my name (and some others) to a needy family in another country. Fascinating. Makes me feel good for existing. It's a really wonderful gift.

My grades for the semester were good and I'm supposed to be contacting the JCC for an interview to intern there next semester. Wish me luck.

Are faith and hope the same thing?

I ran into Damon's sister. You know, the only thing I kept thinking was that she was going to yell at me. But she was very nice. Now I regret not asking how her other brother Darrell is...no, I'm not joking. Around this time last year he was in the hospital with cancer. He had just gotten married a few months before. Last time I talked to Damon he was pissed, but I asked him how his brother was...and he wouldn't tell me. Next time I see her I'll ask.

Which brings me to marriage. It's there for the bad times. Not the bad times between you, the bad times in your life. You know you have someone there who loves you and will support you. Granted, you have to marry the right person, it doesn't always work out this way.

I really don't think I'll vote for someone because they are a woman or a hispanic person or not vote for someone just because he is an old white guy. It's an amazing thing to see the diversity and that says a lot for how far we've come, but I want to vote for someone who will be able to fix the leaks brought on by the current administration.

Pretty much my life has been reduced to lists. I can't help it. It's been so long since the last blog that I felt it necessary to list off the things I'd missed instead of say anything of importance. Ah, I'll save that for next time.