I'm just so tired

Seriously. I'm fucking tired.

I just can't stop thinking that everyone goes through a period in their life like this. Yet everyone keeps gasping at me as if I had just told them that I was living a double life as the president of New Zealand...sort of a mix of- 'I always suspected' and 'What the What?!'

So then after I explain that this is probably one of the least stressful times in my life I figure out that no, in fact most people are not at all interested, not only in having three jobs, but having three jobs that require high physical demand (even if you don't want to work out). That most people don't add their own work out routine on top of that, and juggle a time slot with psych appointments and financial independence classes. That, no, indeed most people do not think that it is a reasonable request to require them to wake up at 4am three times a week and 7am on Saturday mornings, plus be flexible enough to make it in on time to open on Sundays...

But such was my choice.

I love my jobs. I've had enough shitty jobs to know who I am and what kind of stress I can handle. I can't handle standing in front of a door in the middle of the winter without a jacket with 50 tvs around me taking peoples' IDs. I can't handle cold calling people who obviously don't make enough money to buy the kind of cars we sell.

I can, and do, handle going into a fitness class completely unprepared. I can handle physical limitations of clients. I can handle cleaning exercise equipment at 5am. And I can certainly handle working out every day of the work week with my students.

Right now I'm dealing with orphaned instructors, juggling class schedules for 25 instructors at 4 campuses over 2 semesters with over 100 sections, 24 stressed out students, 4.5 hours of written finals and 20 hours of practical finals to prepare for, 10 physical fitness classes per week, 2 lecture classes per week, open house to 3000 high school students this Friday, budget cuts, three non-working treadmills, saving my own money by practicing discipline (which means conveniently forgetting to eat so that I can eat at my parents' house:)), trying to find motivation and time to run/swim/or bike on my own time, battling sandbagged eyes, having two completely separate families that both need my full attention, painting, being a friend, finding some kind of time to concentrate on starting my business, and now I'm going to bed...



I wouldn't trade it for the world right now. Someday I'll trade it for a home, and children, and animals, and my own business. For right now I'm happy.

Happiness for me is defined by how much of myself I can give away, that I may be whole one day.