Although 2008 had good intentions, it hasn't exactly been a walk in the park.
I ended the semester with "mixed reviews" from my students, haven't seen the girls in I-don't-know-how-long, hospital visits, sleepless nights, incompetent co-workers, and hurting loved ones. By the time Christmas rolled around I was pissed off, exhausted and decompressing badly. Needless to say my Christmas day ended with a long bout of crying into Chris's arms.
After spending around 9 hours in the ER yesterday to find out that the nausea/blackout/dizzy/scary spell at 430am was classified off the bat as a panic attack, I realized how physically alone I am. BTW, my parents did an amazing job of putting up with me. With Chris 14 light years, I mean hours on the other side of the world, and the girls in California, I'm left with what I thought I wanted in the first place...alone time. It sucks. Too much time to think can be a bad thing.
Thinking of what 2008 has meant to me fills me with that same nauseous feeling and I become filled with doubt and guilt. In an attempt not to let the whole year go down as "That one year" or "The shitty year" I'd like to list 5 things that happened that have been good things.
5. An historical election. Here's to an African American who won on his own merit. Let us not have faith in him but guide him as a leader. Here's to OJ Simpson getting the time he deserved. No two men are the same. Judging people by skin color/sexual preference/whatever is just plain narrow minded.
4. My job. As incompetent as some of my co-workers are, I am truly grateful for my job. It allows me that satisfied teacher feeling as well as allowing me to be an autonomous human being with my own apartment. I have grown tremendously as a person in some of the areas I was lacking because of this opportunity and I appreciate it greatly. And here's to getting my temporary Director position extended through the end of Summer term. Here's to knowing that I can pay my bills tomorrow.
3. My parents talk to me. Don't think that's any small thing. This time just a couple of years ago they weren't. I might still be the "bad child" but at least I have my parents back. You don't know how much they mean until you find that they aren't willing to be there for you any more. Here's to my parents for putting up with me. Thanks for getting up at 430 in the morning to hold my hand and the puke bucket for me. And thanks to my brother for always picking the right CD for me.
2. To failed attempts. Some things should not be done successfully and if you know what they are be thankful they weren't. Thank God all three of you failed.
1. Here's to forgiveness. I may or may not deserve it, but I got a lot of it this year. Don't think I'm going to go squandering it either. I've learned hard lessons that will make me better. Hopefully I can give back what I have received in love, loyalty, compassion, laughter, trust, gratefulness, openness, oneness...And here's to all the friends that stood by to lend a hand, an ear, or a beer.
And of course, drum roll please........My resolutions:
1. No more lies
2. Cut down on swearing
3. Keep communication open and free-flowing
4. Save money
5. Take steps toward traveling
6. Complete at least a 7th triathlon
7. Make a concerted effort to help out
8. Take steps toward opening my own business
9. Stop living as though I don't deserve happiness
10. Love to the fullest and give back what I have received
