Friday, November 9, 2007

Some people just shouldn't open their mouths


So, I know I rant often, maybe too frequently. However, this time, I'd like to take the time to rant in someone else's defense rather than in my own. Wednesday night, same old, same old. Leave work 3:30pm. Walk to the bus. 3:46pm and the bus is off, headed toward Central. Normal bus stuff. I'm the only one on the bus, then their are two, then ten, there are a few seats left, and then standing room only. Today, the bus was no more crowded than it ever was, even though I myself was getting a little hot and uncomfortable sitting next to strangers, but really, who am I to care that much? I'll get on with it somehow under the protection of my book. Ha, there. Satisfied.

The next stop, like, two people get off, but four more get on. So what? And then, from behind my, she starts in.
"Oh my God, who does she think she is getting on this bus?"

I look up from my lovely poetry to juxtapose myself with the cretins of the real world in order to see what in hell is so provocative. An old woman in a wheel chair was getting on the bus. The bus driver gets three people to move in order to fold up the row in order for the woman to fit her wheelchair. Standing room had just become sardine room. Just for the record, I would have been happy to stand if I were in that row. Again, from behind me...
"Who does she think she is getting on a crowded bus and inconveniencing the rest of us? What nerve she has. Crazy. And knowing her kind and what type of person she is I bet she's a rich kook."

Now, it must be said that the old woman had not inconvenienced the lady behind me at all. She had a seat. What more does she want? And 'knowing her kind?' What in God's name? A few blocks of this and I was literally banging my head against the Plexiglas while my blood pressure what trying to get me all hot so that I would turn around and give her a piece of my mind. I refused. I'm not getting kicked off my only mode of transportation. The old woman gets off the bus, nicely cautioning the people to watch their toes.
"I bet she's rich. She looks like she could afford a taxi, I mean come on, there are services for people like her. For a couple of dollars she could have called a special bus. I wish their were more special busses for those types of people. If you can't afford it fine, but yeesh."

It also must be said that the old woman didn't look rich at all, in fact, fairly normal. There was nothing to lead one to believe that she had any more money than the rest of us. What a moron. At this point I was toying with the idea of telling her how much I wished there was a bus for the type of person she was but my stop was coming up and there are only so many ways to get to class.

It wouldn't have bothered me so much if she had said one snooty thing and moved on, but it was on and on and on. She wouldn't shut up. It was like she was obsessed. I was pissed but you didn't see me tapping the person next to me on the shoulder and starting in "do you believe the nerve of this woman, getting on a bus, talking the way she is, and while I'm trying to read no less. A real kook." Yeah no.

And just for the record...there are no special busses. The regular city bus is more than equipped for wheelchair access.

Can't we all just get along like the Little People???

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Jo is a fantastic plumber...I challenge you not to buy a toilet.


http://www.josplumbing.com/


Okay, this has got to be one of the most useful sites for selling anything. You could sell men their souls back on a plate of rubber duckies the way this woman is selling toilets. My fascination stayed on getting to flush whatever I wanted down the toilet...but volleyed between that and Jo's hilarious sexually provocative comments. Yes, society has made it possible for toilets to be the subject of sexuality. After all, it is the toilet who never fails to touch our asses every time we greet it.

The Perfect Taco


Last night I spend a relaxing, dreary night with my bored yet far from boring companion. After my imagination had its way with a couple of pumpkins and a knife, I spent my time on the edge of my couch cushion reading about love and perfume and beets while Chris was flipping through channels like the hopeful flip from refrigerator to freezer and back again hoping something better had mysteriously appeared. No good horror flicks and very few trick-or-treaters. My attention became split between my book and a combination of myth-busters and extreme pumpkin growing. However, the night became highly ordered after I had unintentionally insulted some appropriately aged kids who had come to the door who were self conscious about saying "trick-or-treat." As a result, Chris took candy duty, while I took scary dog duty. It worked beautifully for the hand full of groups that showed up at the door. Later, when we were certain no one else was coming and we were stuck with a bunch of candy and a bunch of lame-ass television, focus began to flux away from staying awake. Try as we might to stay up long enough to fully enjoy each other's bodily pleasures, the eye lids won out, but the familiarity of the person next to me stayed with me through my sleep. What a way to live, I thought. The night had been unimposing and uneventful, but left with me a residue of something I have rarely felt. Content, happy, life was simple, and one of my favorites to this date. Not just with Chris, but with anyone. I can't tell you how much joy he brings to my life. It takes a special kind to be able to make you feel warm inside on such a cold and windy night and make Taco Bueno feel like the Taj Mahal.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Smell of Bohemia


It seems as though my ab workouts have been paying off, because for the last 48 hours they have been contracting with such force as to preclude me from proper digestion. This however, is a bold faced lie. My body has had far from the proper prescribed diet of exercise and even farther from the proper prescribed diet of food and drink that should indeed follow with the lack of proper prescribed exercise. So it was to my surprise that in spite of my stomach being shaped like a bloated prize pumpkin, that twice in the last two days I have been mentally felt-up, as it were, upon these two men's noses getting a wiff of the book in my hand. These two men were frighteningly similar in their life cadences. Both proclaimed that Jitterbug Perfume and Tom Robbins were their favorites of all time. Both were strongly college-esk, in location, financial situation, and all around look. Both had slightly more light brownish-red hair than face. Both were thirty seconds-or-less human interaction in which they took me completely off guard, listened to my one line egg-sentence scramble, quipped once more, and then quickly cut off all further exchange. Here I was hiding Che this whole time. Methinks I should restrict my reading of this Bohemian Rhapsody to the privacy of my own quarters.

Friday, October 19, 2007

3 Faces of a Gemini: Just a poem


While I look into his face
I turn my back to him
and bittersweet memories of him flood my mind


Hello love
goodbye my friend
goodbye my lover


Split by our anatomy
split by differences of opinion
split by our physical location


A wonderful man
a wonderful help
a wonderful dancer


He touches me
he married me
he captivated me for a moment in time


I want to be here beside him
i need him to back away
i understood why


peace
controversy
short but long lived


The deep part of me
my imagination
my adventure


A fortune cookie
a mormon
a new step


I am beautiful
I am one of many
I am a small journey
An uncertain future
a present game
a past kept hidden

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The smallest silent storm



The tempest awakens the senses
Panic arrising and subsiding
origination from somewhere deep
growing exponentially
back and forth
back and forth
walking through a past it was not born unto
and taking it on as a relief
and as a burdon





each turn presents blessings
and horrifying pictures of distruction
hot sensations of the pain
but no way to see
and no want or need to do so



back and forth
back and forth
the only words to find have already
been written and perfected
noone to hear them
take them in
eat them whole like cherries
but the one who walks alone





fear of falling over the edge tempts
thoughts of jumping instead
watching the back and forth
back and forth
behind the eyes
sickness from the pit of the stomach
but it stands awe struck by the
convergence of day and night
of love and swirling pink and blue and black sky
falling and being lifted up at the exact same moment





merging and flowing and reversing
back and forth
back and forth





twice as many
half as much
the same to the eye
volume and condition
differ
from head to heart and back again





A life lived so perfect
the peach tears from the branch
reaching for the ground
so full so wet
but still back and forth
back and forth





Everything it holds from the future
everything it is from the past
Beauty held in the rain drops
splashes on the face makes it feel alive
pushes it back and restarts it
brewing until nothing happens again

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

The Happiest Goth

I thought for a while about posting a list of things I hate, things that I can't stand, things that piss me off so greatly...but that list would be way too long for this blog. Sorry, instead you get:
10 THINGS THAT MAKE KRISTEN HAPPY TO THE POINT OF GIDDY



1. Bunnies

Any time I'm unimaginably sad about whatever, I google bunnies. O M G. I pretty much explode into joyous giggles every time I do this. Even now I have a stupid grin plastered to my face. Works every time.














2. School

I know I've said some things...things I regret...but things are different now. I've changed. Take me back baby....I love you school.



It doesn't matter that the classes are 5 hours long, or that I have to be there on Saturday morning, or that I pay rent at two different places to make it, or that I have to commute across the city by bus and walk to get there, or that the temperature in the classroom is always wrong...I always want to be there. I love every minute of it. With every test and quiz and homework I study for, turn in, and get back I think about what I'm working towards. And that makes me unequivocally happy.


3. Music- usually the hard core kind


Huxley was right when he said that "Next to silence, that which comes closest to expressing the inexpressible is music." Now, I don't really care what kind of music he actually meant, because it doesn't matter. Music has always been the one I've turned to. The self expression, the need to be part of something bigger, the lyrics mixing with the sounds, it's overwhelmingly therapeutic.







One of my favorite songs is probably the most disturbing I've ever heard, but if I turn it down low or listen to it on a crowded bus with headphones, it sends shivers down my spine and I feel at home. Sometimes it's what gets me through the day.

The sweet hard painful lullabies softly screamed into my ear satiate the tortured beast that lives in me. What can I do, I've got Irish blood.

4. Burgundy


She is the best dog I've ever met. Ever. Hands down. I'll never love another sentient being with four legs and a waggy tail as much as I love Burg. She has been trained by the best, loved by the best, and it shows. Half the time I'm at my parent's house I'm hanging out with my family. The other half is spent rubbing da tummy, playing tug of war, running around, being lick attacked, and saying crap like "oh my goodness who's da cutest, yur da cutest, yur so cute, look at 'er face." Yes, even I, the self proclaimed dog hater will let my IQ fall and roll around on the floor with Burg. I got her while canvassing for PIRG one day and yadayadayada she ended up with my parents. They were going to give her away and then they fell in love with her. And who wouldn't? Wook at dat face.
5. Laughter



Whether it's making people laugh, or watching youtube videos with my boss, or bullshiting with my brother, I love laughing. http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=126501&fr=yvmtf
This is a yahoo video called Awkward Rick goes to the Air Show.
When I found this and watched it, I literally laughed spontaneously for about a week. I cried during the last part of it, I found it so amazingly funny.


6. Morning Star Meatless Buffalo Wings


Okay, I could eat these (and I have) every day for lunch and they would still be my favorite lunch food. I don't know why. I can't explain it. I'm not even vegetarian. My guess is it's that I've always loved chicken nuggets that "don't taste too much like chicken." These don't taste like chicken...they taste like crunchy breading bits and hot sauce. I wish I had some right now. They would make me so happy.

7. Exercise related euphoria
Need I say more? I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the hormones.

8. Sex




I knew this picture would come in handy. Up until recently, though I've always talked like a sailor, I've never thought of sex as something that I would ever really enjoy. Aside from it being good for you physically, it can do so much for your psyche. This is one I won't go into detail about. Not only to spare you, but to preserve that sense of intimacy.



9. Sleeping in



This happens on such a rare occasion that when it does happen, it's a real treat. Having a day off is nearly unheard of and is even more of a treat. The last time I had a day off of work, I went in to work anyway because they had scheduled me during my triathlon. I love big fluffy pillows and big fluffy blankets and making a hot breakfast before I start the push all over again. I could go for some sleeping in right now.
10. I'm going to have to cop out and give this one a little thought. So many things come to mind:
chocolate, reality tv, giving, reciprocal relationships, sharing, praise, hotel rooms, swimming pools, being naked, black, accomplishing goals, being independant, traveling, spending time with people I love, etc. I just don't know. But these are the stuff of life. They are things I almost expect from life. They should make me happy.
While proofreading this blog, I've smiled every single time I've gone back over it. These things make me who I am. It just makes me wonder what makes my friends this happy.